In many cultural communities, especially collectivistic ones, strength is often measured by how much can be carried in silence. Emotional struggles are minimized, and conversations around mental health are often met with phrases like:
“Just push through.”
“Pray more.”
“Stop being so sensitive.”
Over time, this creates a pattern of internalizing pain. People learn to downplay their emotions to avoid burdening their families. Survival becomes mistaken for resilience. And appearing fine becomes a skill — even when everything inside feels heavy.
And guess what — those suppressed or dismissed emotions? They don’t just disappear. They just begin to show up in different ways. Unprocessed emotions often manifest as chronic pain, inflammation in the body, frequent illness, substance use, difficulty managing anger, or social withdrawal. This isn’t just emotional — it’s biological. Our nervous system holds on to what hasn’t been released. Working through these emotions — with time, care, and support — allows us to process and release them, so they no longer weigh us down or quietly disrupt our lives from the inside out.
But here’s the thing — if you’ve ever felt like no one taught you how to understand what you’re feeling, let alone talk about it… you’re not alone. And if therapy still feels like a strange or distant idea, you’re also not alone.
For a lot of us, therapy wasn’t just unfamiliar — it was something you didn’t do. You kept personal things in the family. You didn’t “overshare.” You definitely didn’t pay someone to talk about your problems. And even now, the idea of opening up to a stranger might stir up guilt, shame, or even fear.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand, both through my own journey and the people I support: Our parents, grandparents, and relatives did the best they could with the tools they had.
They weren’t taught how to regulate emotions, resolve conflict in healthy ways, or set boundaries rooted in mutual understanding. Most didn’t have the time, space, or support to explore emotional wellbeing — because they were too busy surviving.
So if you’re learning these things now for the first time — things like naming your emotions, communicating needs, setting boundaries — that doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you a cycle-breaker. It means you’re doing the inner work to create something healthier going forward — for yourself and for those who come after you. This kind of healing work isn’t about rejecting your roots — it’s about learning how to honour both your cultural background and your emotional needs. It’s about recognizing what was passed down, and deciding what still feels true for you today.
With time and reflection, many people begin to reconnect with the parts of themselves that got quiet in the process of meeting expectations. They start exploring their own values, identities, and needs — and begin building lives that feel more aligned with who they really are, not just who they were told to be.
The path isn’t always easy, especially when the idea of caring for yourself hasn’t been modelled or encouraged. But emotional overwhelm doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Needing space doesn’t make you selfish. Feeling unsure doesn’t mean you’ve failed. These are human experiences — and they deserve understanding, not judgment. You don’t need to wait for a crisis to seek support. You deserve care — not just in the hard moments, but in the quiet, everyday ones too.
And part of that care? It often starts with learning boundaries.
One of the most common themes that comes up in therapy — especially for those from collectivistic families — is how hard it can be to say no, express a need, or simply protect your peace. In families where love is shown through sacrifice, setting limits can feel like rejection. But boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about creating relationships that are more honest, compassionate, and sustainable.
If this is something you’re working through, I’ve created a gentle, culturally sensitive guide to support you. It explores what boundaries can look like, why they often feel difficult to set, and how to begin practicing them in ways that honour both your relationships and your self-respect.
If it resonates, you can check it out here:
“Boundaries Made Simple: Say Yes to Yourself Without Saying No to Your Values”
Available on Amazon – https://a.co/d/g8pEFaX
It’s not a replacement for therapy, but it’s a self-paced workbook filled with reflection prompts, real-life examples, and compassionate tools — especially for those of us who grew up in environments where self-sacrifice was the norm.
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